04 October, 2011

8-Bit Philosophy

    If you're reading this, you've probably played Super Mario Bros., or watched your kids play it, or watched your older siblings play it while wondering why the Xbox 360 is turned off.  Well, in any of those cases, you've probably noticed that the first enemy Mario (or Luigi) encounters is the "Goomba."  When Mario stomps on a Goomba they flatten and disappear.  (Duh Nate, is this a walkthrough or what?)

    I assume that the Goombas are stomped so hard that their mushroomy bodies are ground into the cracks of the cobblestone ground that spans the Mario world(s).  The philosophy part comes in here:  When Mario picks up the fire flower and gains the fireball throwing demigod power; we can actually see the souls of the Goombas descend into Hell!  WTF Nate!? (Although Dad is thinking: WTF Nathan!? Hi Dad!)
    Well! I'll tell you WTF!!  When Mario throws a fireball at a Goomba, does it flatten? No. Does it get ground into the road? No.  The Goomba falls down through the road and out of frame.  Now, assume with me for a moment that: fire is more destructive than a plumber's foot.  Which, it is; and a magical fireball thrown from Mario's hand must be much more powerful; and finally, one does not simply float through the ground, PHYSICS PEOPLE!!

    Thus: Mario's fireball instantly disintegrates the Goomba and we are witness to its soul floating into Hell.

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