11 September, 2012

That Crazy Brand of Awkward

Sooo... This is awkward.. I mean plain old awkward, like - "Hey buddy, I haven't seen you in a long time. "  Not awkward, as in - "So, yeah, I had your baby after all."  Or even worse - "So yeah, I had that dude's baby, but I put your name on the birth certificate!"  Damn, there has to be a better word for it in that last case.

By the way, you know that feeling when you repeat a word so many times that it starts to lose meaning?  Yeah, you do.  Well typing "awkward" gives you the same feeling.  I hate that feeling.. I start to get all panicky; my mind goes all philosophical.  It tells me crap like: "That word never meant anything..that's not even a real word; and yeah: this isn't real either.."  Then I start to get that tunnel-vision, my surroundings start to blur except for the monitor that is directly in front of me (I have three at work), my hands start spasming onto the keys and before I know it, an hour has gone by and I've got a whole novel in front of me, which I've really always wanted to do, but this time I don't remember writing any of it (Alan Wake?), and so I delete everything even though it's a friggin' masterpiece, and I'll probably never be able to write anything half as good again; even though my super-supportive wife keeps telling me that if I just sit down for a while each day and write, that I'll eventually finish something, but I haven't even written a blog post since, like, April or something, and then when I try to write something, crazy ninja marshmallows appear on the blog instead of my writing and I think that I'm just pandering to the audience that I really don't even have, and now I'm just giving away all of my crazy and they'll finally know what does or doesn't drive me every single day, even though I really couldn't even say what drives me, and... Wait; oh my God, what time is it? (oh crap; I'm totally not writing this at work..)

Sorry about that.  I have a lot of backed-up depressed-obsessive-compulsive-anxiety.  It should be escaping from my fingertips on, at least, a weekly basis; but instead, it swims around in my head until I sneeze (which I think is really just my mind trying to escape the only way it knows how.  Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure that my mind can really only escape through an electrical current.  So here's hoping that I don't get electrocuted near a network connection, or even wi-fi, because my mind will abandon my charred body in a lack-of-a-heartbeat!

Damn, okay; maybe I'd better lay off for now, but I'll be back.. Mark my words.. I said MARK THEM damn you!!

No comments: