13 February, 2013

Who's a Nerd?

I can't escape myself!!
Greetings my friends, both nerdly and not.

I cannot understand what the current fascination with being a Nerd is. I grew up nerdy, geeky, even (sadly) dorky; and for it I was picked on, teased, made fun of, laughed at, and even beaten up. Now, suddenly, everyone is a nerd?

I do question it, but don't get me wrong, a lot of them probably are the geeks they claim to be. In every city, town, village, or walled off community of huts (not Hutts), there have been the nerds and the geeks. I suppose that, as the power of the Net has grown, so too has the ability of the geeky nerds to communicate, band together, and rally the forces when one or two would simply not be enough. The Internet has become a far greater tool for everyday use than anyone could have imagined, and its use has even become a requirement when in school, even for those who are not studying a computer related field.

What I truly want people to realize though, is that being a nerd or a geek, isn't about fandoms or collecting things or going to ComicCon, or other conventions; sure that's some nice icing; but it's about putting some emphasis on learning; on the continuing search for knowledge, for the sake of knowledge, rather than to be an elitist know-it-all! And when you feel that you've got enough information about the subject, you move on and don't stop; because, while you may have had enough of one subject, you can never learn everything, but you'll be dammed if you don't try!

11 September, 2012

That Crazy Brand of Awkward

Sooo... This is awkward.. I mean plain old awkward, like - "Hey buddy, I haven't seen you in a long time. "  Not awkward, as in - "So, yeah, I had your baby after all."  Or even worse - "So yeah, I had that dude's baby, but I put your name on the birth certificate!"  Damn, there has to be a better word for it in that last case.

By the way, you know that feeling when you repeat a word so many times that it starts to lose meaning?  Yeah, you do.  Well typing "awkward" gives you the same feeling.  I hate that feeling.. I start to get all panicky; my mind goes all philosophical.  It tells me crap like: "That word never meant anything..that's not even a real word; and yeah: this isn't real either.."  Then I start to get that tunnel-vision, my surroundings start to blur except for the monitor that is directly in front of me (I have three at work), my hands start spasming onto the keys and before I know it, an hour has gone by and I've got a whole novel in front of me, which I've really always wanted to do, but this time I don't remember writing any of it (Alan Wake?), and so I delete everything even though it's a friggin' masterpiece, and I'll probably never be able to write anything half as good again; even though my super-supportive wife keeps telling me that if I just sit down for a while each day and write, that I'll eventually finish something, but I haven't even written a blog post since, like, April or something, and then when I try to write something, crazy ninja marshmallows appear on the blog instead of my writing and I think that I'm just pandering to the audience that I really don't even have, and now I'm just giving away all of my crazy and they'll finally know what does or doesn't drive me every single day, even though I really couldn't even say what drives me, and... Wait; oh my God, what time is it? (oh crap; I'm totally not writing this at work..)

Sorry about that.  I have a lot of backed-up depressed-obsessive-compulsive-anxiety.  It should be escaping from my fingertips on, at least, a weekly basis; but instead, it swims around in my head until I sneeze (which I think is really just my mind trying to escape the only way it knows how.  Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure that my mind can really only escape through an electrical current.  So here's hoping that I don't get electrocuted near a network connection, or even wi-fi, because my mind will abandon my charred body in a lack-of-a-heartbeat!

Damn, okay; maybe I'd better lay off for now, but I'll be back.. Mark my words.. I said MARK THEM damn you!!

10 April, 2012

Mini-Post: Mallow-Assassins

I have returned with sad news:  Craig the marshmallow has been murdered.  For those who didn't know Craig, he was a brave sole who, with his final acts, decided to fight the leader of the Mallow-Assassins.  I was there:

Crime Scene Photo
BTDubs: Credit for the concept of Mallow-Assassins goes to my buddy Munk-E.

09 April, 2012

Nate Takes the Marshmallow Challenge!!

Good day readers of my words!!

Oh, how I have missed all eight of you!!  Forgive my absence, I know two months is a long time!

To be perfectly honest, I've been feeling depressed and quite panicky lately; couple those with some major writer's block and we've got a long blogging detour.  Not to mention: I had some in-laws come in from Argentina for a couple weeks, which demanded a lot of my time.  I can't complain about that though; Diego (my wife's cousin) and his wife Miriam were fantastic company, and I honed my Spanish a bit!!

 I expect to have at least one post per week from now on, so, if you'll forgive me my tardiness, and my video resolution: Enjoy the show!


I know, it's awful isn't it?  

Wow, that's gross..

07 February, 2012

First-World Problems

There are a lot of site/memes/blogs about first-world problems.  This is NOT one of them.  That being said, I did hear a good one in the office not more than ten minutes ago.  I was talking with a co-worker (for legal reasons I will refer to him as Blanthony) about Hulu Plus and the Roku box to stream it.

Blanthony:
"Yeah, I had to get the Roku box to stream Netflix because my 50-inch Plasma doesn't have wi-fi."
He's actually a nice guy who is the only other person in my office who has even ever heard of Doctor Who.  But the semi-pouting tone in his complaint about his 50-INCH PLASMA TV was too good not to write about.

Now, enough ragging on my co-workers who make enough money to complain about such things.  Although...:
What the HELL does he have a plasma screen for?
*********************

I have discovered (semi-recently) that I like to create 8-bit-esque replicas of both 8-bit and non-8-bit characters and designs from popular culture.  In fact, I'm a few centimeters from actually selling them to my willing readers (and forcing them on the rest).  However I am not entirely sure how to replicate a licensed character without being sued.  I mean obviously I'm going to ask permission or something, but there must be an official channel to go through.  If anyone knows anything about the legalities of such an undertaking, I would be very happy to converse with you!

In the mean time, I'll try to speed up my posts, AND come up with more interesting content!!

24 January, 2012

Valentine's Day Considerations

 So, now that 2012 is in full swing, or at least in 4/61 swing, we can all look forward to the day that is the bane of (most) single women and attached men alike:  Valentine's Day!  Come on men, only 21 shopping days left, do you know what you're getting her? 

Some things that I've considered getting my wife, Alex, for Valentine's Day:
  • Sasquatch Hunting Pack
  • Grow Your Own VD Plant
  • Authentic Dave Coulier used sweat socks contained in Tupperware (still moist!!)
  • Vampire Awareness Kit
  • How To Avoid Becoming a Zombie, by Don Stanstill
  • What To Do If You've Been Bitten By a Zombie, by Dr. Sawoff Urownarm
  • So You're a Zombie, by Tiernan Grey
  • How To Realistically Paint Prison Walls In Your Home, by Martha Stewart
  • History of Mid Eighteenth Century German Tax Law (parts 1-29, odd numbers only)
I've since tossed the idea of the VD plant out, as my lovely wife should not have to grown her own when I can grow it for her!  Unfortunately the Sasquatch Hunting Pack was totally unrealistic; she is already aware of vampires; and someone outbid me on the socks!  What a world we live in.  Oh well, hopefully someone's getting some Full House era Joey socks.  So, I'll keep looking if you will guys!

Single ladies, put your hands up (up); do not despair, either the timing is not right for you to have that special someone; or you do have him/her and just don't know it.  Look at your best friend who tags along to places they would normally never be caught dead at.  Look at your Starbucks barista, do they frequently put hearts all around your name on your cup full of caffeinated deliciousity?  All I'm saying, is that "Love Actually, is all around."  And if not: peanut butter and chocolate ice cream are really a delight.

OH!!  By the way, apparently one does not traditionally shorten Valentine's Day to "VD."  Still trying to figure that one out!

17 January, 2012

But What If My Head Gets Cold?

I find myself between a rock and a hard place.

You see, I want a hat.  Not just any hat, I have hats, but a fedora.  Not a standard fedora with a wide brim and whatnot, but a Neal Caffrey from White Collar sort of fedora, also know as a trilby hat.  This is probably the best hat in the world, with exception given to the Indiana Jones fedora (which I wouldn't look great in walking down the street), and it fits my head well.  However, if you've seen White Collar, you'll notice two things:
  1. Neal Caffrey is incredibly more handsome than myself.
  2. When Neal wears his trilby, he is also wearing a particularly snazzy suit.
 

Now I've tried on a trilby practically every time that I've been to Target in the last four months or so, including whilst gift shopping for Christmas, and have come upon a different idea every time.  I've found that the hat can look quite dashing when I am wearing a long sleeved, button-up shirt (with jeans or slacks); I've also discovered that the hat looks like utter rubbish with a long sleeved, casual T-shirt; and yet, the hat does go rather well with a (short sleeved) graphic tee and jeans.  I'm not even going to go into how I look in a suit, even without the hat.  I become Chris Farley stuffed into David Spades coat when I where suits.  Seriously, my wedding pics don't lie.

See? Decent, if only slightly chubby.



My dilemma is this:  I want the hat, because it goes well with my work clothes so I can wear it into work Dick Van Dyke or Mad Men style; or out on the town with a nice or casual shirt.  But, my wife has seen the hat on me when I am wearing a sweater or other casual long sleeved T-shirt many times, whereas she has only seen it on me, in a positive light, once.

So, because I value Alex's opinion, I haven't bought the hat, but I believe that I could potentially get a lot of use out of it, without looking like a complete douche-canoe.  So far, she says "No."

Thoughts?
I'm not really sure about this one...

"A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it only takes a woman's "Ugh" to send a man's pride down the toilet."
~Nathan Culley

10 January, 2012

I Spoke Too Soon

Have you ever been sick, taken a couple of days off of work, then gone back too soon?  I have!

It sucks to cough all night because you can't breathe; although I'm grateful that it's not pneumonia, I caught that last year and it was funless!  Yes: funless.

I went back to work Friday after leaving early on Tuesday, then taking Wednesday and Thursday off.  I shouldn't have come back, but I didn't want to leave my supervisor hanging.  Our office is going through a huge repainting/re-carpeting and, as IT Minion, it is my job, and Roberto's (IT supervisor), to move the weeks group of PCs to their temporary location(s).  I couldn't let him do it alone.  OK, actually, my OCD couldn't let him do it alone, because he wouldn't do it my way.  I've been doing it a specific way for four weeks (he was off bonding with his newborn, so I forgive him) so I had to at least be here..  Yes, and it would also have sucked for Roberto to have just come back to work and to have to run this on his own.

But that was last week..

This week, I'm feeling a lot better!  I CAN BREATHE!!  That is to say that the symptoms of bronchitis are gone; they have however, been replaced by cold symptoms! DAMN IT!!  But a cold I can deal with as long as there's no fever. *knock on wood*


05 January, 2012

UPDATED: Cough, cough, sniffle, WHINE!!

Welcome, my friends, to the new (if not improved) Clever By Accident!!  A new view for our new domain: oopsclever.com!!
In other news; I have been stricken with bronchitis and a sinus infection. WHOA NOW! Don't all pity me at once, take your time; it does take work to milk this kind of thing after all!  My lovely wife Alex has been taking wonderful care of me and I am beginning to feel a mite better.

On that note, I am sorry that I have been lacking in posts.  I shall make it up to you all next week (barring a sudden onset of pneumonia).

UPDATED: I'm still debugging some of the kinks, but please let me know in the comments whether you like the new layout or if you prefer the old one! Thanks folks!!

28 December, 2011

A Sexier Beast?

You know, a while ago (and then also recently) Jenny, The Bloggess, posted a pretty convincing comparison between her cat, Ferris Mewler (fantastic bit of clever, that name), and Eric Northman of True Blood.  Bravo madam, bravo.

HOWEVER; mere days before Christmas, Alex and I caught Jasper in his sexiest pose ever; a pose which, dare I say it: is even sexier that Ferris Mewler doing [an impression of] Eric Northman.

Ladies, avert your eyes unless you can handle the sexy; Gentleman, I promise never to speak of your impending man crush.. Behold, Jasper!!

Mmph mrph mmh

My wife took one look at him in that position and said:
"That is a sexy beast."
Whereas my first thought was: It looks like something out of A Game of Thrones.. or Ron Jeremy.. Eew. 


Wait.. What the devil?

Who the hell do you think you are?

Thus I issue this challenge to The Bloggess:  Who is sexier? Ferris Mewler, or Jasper (so sexy, he needs only one name)?

I await your refute.

27 December, 2011

Politically Corrected

Hello all of my clever little accidents!  I know it's a couple of days late, but Merry Christmas!!  Also: Happy 7th day of Hanukkah; Happy 2nd day of Kwanzaa; Happy Winter Solstice; Happy Yule; and Happy Festivus!!

Now, I've always considered myself to be polite and respectful (STOP LAUGHING!!) when it comes to the beliefs of others, but I find that "political correctness" is going too far.  For many years now, I've been pushed, prodded, and prompted to tell people "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas," because it's offensive..

I'm not a preachy man, nor do I encourage folks to believe one thing over another (unless it involves Batman or pie).  So, when I tell someone Merry Christmas around this time of year, I would hope that -if they do not celebrate Christmas- they would greet me with a "Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or Festivus;" or simply: "Thank you, have a nice day."  I would never take offense to a person wishing me a Happy "this time of year," whatever it may be; for that is all that I am doing: Wishing them a Merry *December 25th!*

So, if you too feel screwed by political correction, speak up (nowhere specifically, I don't have a site to rally you all too, but you get my point).

Our Christmas Tree, complete with
authentic crooked star and tufts of cat fur

Have a Happy New Year everyone!!

19 December, 2011

Ouch, this thing is eating my legs..

Hey hey!  So, how are all of my clever little accidents? Good? Fantastic!!

I, through the magic of prescription drugs (or possibly because I've had less), have been less depressed lately.  It's a great day when you can look at a gibbon situation and think of the possible positive outcomes, rather than the inevitable failemur.  I've always been an optimist though; and yes- before you ask- it is weird to be a sad, depressed little optimist.

For example, an optimist sees the glass as "half full," the pessimist sees it as "half empty," but the depressed optimist sees the glass as "half full, but it's all the way over there and I just don't care about the water that much.."  Sad, no?  Again, the optimist says that the day is "pleasant and sunny," whereas the pessimist says: "it will probably rain as soon as I go outside," but the depressed optimist will say: "it's pleasant and sunny outside..frickin' sun; what does it have to be so happy about?"  One more:  The optimist will think: "ouch!  This velociraptor is eating my legs and, while it hurts, I'll probably survive and end up using some cool, new, bionic legs!"  While, the pessimist would think: "ouch!  This velociraptor is eating my legs, it hurts and my torso is probably next.  Great, now I'm going to end up as dinosaur poo."  But I, the depressed optimist would have thought: "ouch! This velociraptor is eating my legs.  Oh well, I probably deserve to be dinosaur poo."
So!  While my humor may fail me every now-and-always; at least it won't be sad.  Monkey.

06 December, 2011

Cat Nightmares


The following is based on actual events.  The names have not been changed, because no one is innocent.

I was talking to my wife, Alex, and my cat, Ame, just the other day..:

Me: "Good morning Ame, what are you staring at?"
Ame: "Mew."
Alex: "Maybe she had a cat nightmare; y'know like slowly being dipped in water?"
Me: "Like being drowned?"
Ame: "Meeh."
Alex: "Can you imagine cat nightmares?  Like mice with staves and other weapons?"
Me: "Why would they have weapons?"
Alex: "Because it would be scary if they could fight back!"
Ame: "Meow."
Me: "Or mice with water guns, birds with water balloons, and fish."
Alex: "Fish?"
Ame: "Mew?"
Me: "Fish.  Because they're already in water..  Nevermind."
 *********************
The mouse revolution is at hand..Beware..

01 December, 2011

Wives, Elves, and Electrocution

Apparently my wife has learned how to communicate monetarily:
Alex (looking at a Trader Joes ad): "Ooh, they have Chicken Sate.." (pauses for my reaction)
Me: "Oooh, wow. (then, realizing she's not catching my sarcasm) I don't know what that is."
Alex: "It's $9.99!"
Me: "Honey, I still don't know what it is.."
Alex: "But..it's $9.99.. Doesn't it sound good?"
Me: "But-I-..  Yeah, it sounds good."
I never did find out what it is, but I haven't cared enough to look it up.

*********************
"mrphpmmmhmph..*crunch*...mrph...*munch*..hrmm....Damn I love these little almond cookies. DAMN YOU KEEBLER ELVES!!"
Though they're actually gnomes.  Don't believe me?

ELF:
Arwen
GNOME:
Garden Gnome
Questions? No? Good, now go buy almond crescent cookies so that the gnomes can earn their living.

*********************

This season, do your loved ones a favor and don't electrocute yourself.  WHOA!!  Hey, calm down folks, I'm not saying don't get shocked; I don't want to ruin Christmas or Hanukkah for all of you!  After all, if anyone knows that happy little tingle of alternating current, it's me!  But just be careful.  Your home-brewed electrocution can really drive up the power bill; and your significant others will thank you for keeping the bill low!  (Just remember who told you this during..well, after your reward.. You can thank me later.)

28 November, 2011

Whining About Involuntary Self-Distruction

I hope that everyone had a wonderful day of feasting, followed by a day of either shopping for fantastic deals, or hiding from the zombie shoppers!  Seriously, though: be careful those shoppers will kill you!  I even heard that some random dude slapped a child for some toy on Black Friday!!

*********************

Personally, I went nuts this past week.  Some of the following may explain my last post.
The following five days describe my recent adventures in ADHD.

First off, Friday I zoned out for a whole day due to being over-medicated because my doctor had accidentally written my prescription wrong.  I ask you: what doctor does that?  Yeah, well, then he went out of town, and his office DOESN'T ANSWER THE PHONE ON FRIDAYS!!

I was completely dizzy and my mind was all over the place the following day because I decided not to take the mistakenly high dose.  That was a bad idea.

Sunday and Monday I took the remainder of my regular dosage, of which I had two left, and slightly recovered, before finally getting in touch with my doctor's office to get a refill of my original dosage; which I got on Tuesday.

You following me?  Good.

Now the world of heartburn and G.E.R.D. (Gastro-Esophagial Reflux Disease).

I also ran out of my G.E.R.D. meds on the Thursday before Thanksgiving; and by the following Monday, I was chugging down Pink Bismuth (seriously guys, the Walgreens brand) and went to bed with my insides on fire and feeling like the pink was going to make a comeback. (Eeeww, I know)

So what a week that was!!  My body has been hobbling along for the last couple of weeks and I believe that I may actually fall apart.  Really: my spine might separate in the middle; my left leg might pop off at the hip joint; and I'M ONLY TWENTY-EIGHT!!

*********************
Next post won't be so selfish and may actually include some cleverness and not whining!
 

18 November, 2011

Seriously Zoned

So, I just realized that I was sitting at my desk, hunched over, with my chin resting on my empty travel mug, for at least ten minutes; literally.  In fact I didn't even sit up while typing the title for today's post.  For the previous ten minutes I was staring at my monitor; I'm pretty sure I read something on it but, most of my tabs are closed and I don't think I stared at the name Google for ten minutes.

I believe that my zombification may have been brought on by the fact that my doctor (hold on, have to call the doctor ... wasn't there) anyway, my doctor prescribed me a much higher dosage of my crazy pills (ok, it's actually for the ADHD) than I've been taking; I didn't notice until this morning, but I figured hey, it should only help right? Wrong!!  Now my brain is staring at the inside of my skull going:
do you know how to change the toner in the copier because i suspect that someone might show up right now and ask us to change it but i'm to intrigued by this funny looking membrane to remember for you or to remember about silly things like punctuation and syntax and oh yeah do you remember those pugs this morning on the way to the car they were awesome but how do they breath when they jog and SHUT UP I'M LOOKING AT THIS MEMBRANE
Yeah, and most of that was in an interesting monotone.  Anyway, the suck part about all of this is that it's not the worst thing today: My back is killing me!! People here at work (shhhh, don't tell anyone I'm at work) have kindly been offering me their ibuprofen, but I feel like a giant hole full of asses taking more than two from them, and this is a five-pill pain.  Oh well, knowing that you all either feel my pain or are now forced into it makes this all worthwhile.  Wait, no it doesn't!!  Dammit; I want focus and no pain!!
they're not going to read you anymore if you keep depressing them but if you really HEY WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?  STOP BLINKING SO LONG NATE!!
So thank you guys for reading.  I'll be back soon!

Squidgy
I wish I had a sexy brain like that one. ^

15 November, 2011

It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

I hope everyone had a fruitful week!  Unless you're not planning on bearing fruit just yet, or ever.

I'd like to thank all of my new readers and followers for your comments and questions.  I'd especially like to thank Mouthy Maven for her contributions to my sanity!  Thank you to the Regretsy forums as well!

I will soon be adding a page to Clever By Accident dedicated to answering your questions, so stay tuned!

*********************

The following account is based on actual events.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Gather 'round folks and I shall tell you a tale..

Once, long ago, longer now than it seems....  WAIT, wait; sorry guys, that's The Nightmare Before Christmas!

My tale goes a little something like this:

Quite long ago, a man, let's call him Dave, was working on a project; his boss had instructed him to fashion a calendar.  Dave's boss said to make the calendar span a century; but Dave had other plans.  You see, Dave was a mathematical whiz, an OCD pioneer, and probably the first person with ADD*.

Dave made the calendar in a matter of weeks, some say days.  His boss was pleased and, seeing Dave's pride in his accomplishment, asked him if he would like to continue the calendar, adding another century or two.  Dave immediately accepted the offer and went straight to work on it.

Often working through the night, Dave completed another century, then another, and another.  Still Dave worked, obsessively, on his masterpiece; turning in a century here, two hundred years there; and his boss accepted each installment, far beyond what was asked of Dave.

Dave's wife, Gertie, began to grow worried; for many nights he had not lain with her.  So Gertie decided to find him a hobby that would tire him by early afternoon, so that he would come home and be the loving husband that he once was.

Gertie enlisted the help of Dave's best friend and hunting aficionado, Earl; who invited Dave to a day of hunting. Unfortunately for Gertie, killing animals was not Dave's idea of a good time, especially when there was calendaring to be done!

So Gertie and Earl tried another approach.  Earl told Dave about a new game in which a stick was hurled at a man who had to attempt to protect himself with a small rock; scoring was determined based upon A) whether or not the player remained alive or conscious, and B) how far from the player the stick landed.  Dave took an immediate interest, not because the game sounded fun (concussions were not a favorable condition for a mind such as Dave's), but because he thought that he might improve the players' chances of survival and make changes to the game that would make for good watching.

Due to Dave's obsession with the new game, his calendar making efforts fell by the wayside.  Dave's boss, asked Dave to turn in what was finished of the extensive calendar and, after many delays, and months of forgetting, Dave finally came to the conclusion that, if necessary, someone else would continue the calendar, maybe in a few decades or so.  Dave then turned in the last piece of his calendar.

Because of Dave's obsessive personality, and ultimately his ADD, his calendar has influenced people all over the world.

The calendar ended on a nice even date for Dave's community, but for us, it's December 21, 2012.

*Reference Needed

*********************
December 21, 2012 corresponds to the final day of the thirteenth b'ak'tun since the world was created according to the Mayan Calendar.  The b'ak'tun is a period of one hundred forty-four thousand days.

The following day, begins the fourteenth b'ak'tun, and millions of people will wake up on Earth to the sound of billions other people laughing at them because the world didn't end.

Laugh with me..

08 November, 2011

Psycho TVs & Smuggling Fruit

    So, I've been pretty lax about posts for a couple weeks, sorry about that; I had some family health issues come up that, quite frankly, captured my entire concentration.  I'm back now, though; which should be a cause for celebration among my loyal fan; and you'll likely be seeing more frequent posts now that my work hours have been cut down a mite.

    I digress.  I hope your Hallowe'en was great; mine was light this year, but fun; I was a dashing, if chubby, Indiana Jones.  My wife was a magnificently frightening Murderous Beauty Queen, and believe me, when I say "frightening," I am understating how truly horrifying it was for me.  Others may not think she was so scary, but I must remind you: this is my wife; I married a loving, beautiful, innocent woman.

    The murderess that she became was not the same woman that I married.  It was something akin to buying a TV because the display in the store was phenomenal, the specs were outstanding, and the price was unbelievable; getting the TV home, connecting it (correctly), doing everything necessary for a perfect picture, turning it on and seeing blood ooze out of the screen, high pitched fork-on-plate or nail-on-chalkboard sounds coming from the speakers, the TV growing legs, knocking you to the ground, then slamming its psycho blood-screen-with-images-of-gruesome-lemonparty face against your own horrified eyeballs, while it yells at you: 
"THIS IS WHAT YOU BOUGHT!!  THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED!!"
    Needless to say, it was disconcerting.  This was not Alex.  She played the part so well, and I was glad when we got home and she washed the makeup off and became my wife again.

*********************
    Now I must posit a question.  It is rhetorical, but if you wish to answer, I would welcome the comment.
"Why are sunglasses so easy to lose?"
    Yes, seriously; that is my question!!  I lose sunglasses on a semi-regular basis.  In fact, just Sunday, I lost my newest pair, only three or four months old, at Kohl's!  I decided, since she'd been putting them in her purse everywhere else we went that day, that I would not depend on my wife's purse to hold my sunglasses.  No, no; I held them in my front pocket like a teenager smuggling a banana from 7-11 damn it!  However, I noticed that when I would bend over or squat to try on shoes or something, my shades were being mercilessly squeezed and were in danger of breaking.  I was wearing a light jacket that day, so I put the glasses in a pocket.  Voila!!  My sunglasses that I had begged my wife to let me get (after having lost the last pair inside of a Big Lots) were then sucked into the endless vortex that takes the matches to all of my socks, my comfy sweatpants, and that FRICKIN' CORD THAT I NEED RIGHT NOW!!  Seriously, it's quite annoying.

*********************
     Thank you so much for reading my drivel.  If you liked it, please tell your friends and family; if there's a way that I can improve your experience, leave a comment; and if you just want to insult me, go right ahead, you can be my blog fodder!

"If I wanted to be smart, I would have learned how on the Internet." -Me.

19 October, 2011

Who Screwed Up Time? (formerly New Weekends)

    I. Am. Sleepy.

    I do not appreciate the five-day work week like I should.  I understand that the unions did a lot of fighting for their workers to get a two-day weekend; Hell, I'm even fine with the work week being longer than the weekend.  But, for the love of God, couldn't someone say:

    "Hey, why don't we make it a bit even and have a four-day work week, and a three-day weekend?"

    I wouldn't have stomped on the guy's foot.  We could even work it in now!  I propose, to whomever could get this ball rolling, this:  We make Monday thru Thursday the traditional work week, and move Friday into the weekend camp.  We don't even have to sacrifice work hours!  To keep the amount of income unchanged, we can work ten-hour days.  For example: right now, I work ~8:00AM-4:30PM (with a half-hour lunch somewhere in between); I would be happy to work 8:00AM-6:30PM or 7:30AM-6:00PM, etc., just to have that Friday to myself (and my wife, of course).

Actor's Interpretation of Nate

    Think of the way our weekends are currently arranged: Sundays are for church or family or laundry or cleaning some other part of the house or the car, that you don't have to time for during the work week.  Saturdays are for seeing friends and sleeping in to attempt to recover from the week's lack of sleep.  Where is the day to actually rest?  The day to not worry about a single thing?  To relax?  To enjoy the free time that you work so hard for?  Sure people make time to do things on the weekend, like going camping, but that doesn't magically wash your dishes or clean your clothes; Hell, it makes more laundry for you to do when you get back!!  Then you're up all night doing laundry for work on Monday.  Then you're tired on Monday and that throws off the whole rest of the week!!

    Please tell me if I'm just rambling and not making sense.  Seriously, you can comment just below.  I honestly wouldn't know if I'm rambling right now, my visions doubling, then blurring; I'm really trying to stay awake and it's seriously difficult to focus on much else.

    Good day to you all; livestrong and jalapeno popperssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

11 October, 2011

How to Torture Your Pets | Fall Issue

It's that special time of year again, that time that makes every adult feel like a kid again: Hallowe'en!!

So, Friday, I hunted through the office closet to find both boxes of decorations, the first was directly in front of me, but it was the box of crappy decorations; sorry, but I'm not a fan of happy lavender spiders and kiddy crap; I need scary; I'd even prefer shit-your-pants frightening, but, failing that, scary will do.

Knowing that the good decorations weren't in any of the random boxes on the closet's top shelf, I eventually had the closet sufficiently turned inside out; boxes were everywhere; and both cats were taking turns circling my legs trying to trip me, and burying themselves in the nooks and crannies of the closet.

At this point, exhausted from the weight of the week, I pulled down the first box from the top shelf of the closet, just so I could say:
"Ha, Brain, I told you they weren't up there, you smug little prick!!"
...and there were our good decorations.
"You win this round, Brain.."
My brain said nothing, it just sat there, squishy and pink.

In the good box, were the decorations that my wife, Alex, and I had bought together; and the little bat bow tie that our first cat, Jasper wore last year.  Also in the box were the torturous wings and antennae that we put on our dog Misty!

Misty, being tortured
We promptly applied said costumes to our pets; Misty lay down and stared at us as if she were being punished, and Jasper kicked, clawed, and bit to prevent an extra bit of accoutrement about his neck.  Then we realized our problem: Our newest cat, Ame (for the verbally challenged pronounce it: Ah-May), did not have a costume. We fixed that and got her a witch's hat; which she promptly pulled off in a fit of rage. 
Ame, moments before cat-explody
What did we expect her to do? She's a cat, of course she's gonna hate it.
Jasper, rollin'
Alex couldn't resist the temptation to get Jasper a new costume too.. It looks like he'll be Brisco County Jr. this Hallowe'en!
Misty, willing my head to implode.

After Ame's fit, Misty tried on the hat and was ready for Hogwarts!
(DON'T JUDGE HER!! She loves Harry Potter.)

Let the torture begin!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!