Clever By Accident: How to Torture Your Pets

It's that special time of year again, that time that makes every adult feel like a kid again: Hallowe'en!!

So, Friday, I hunted through the office closet to find both boxes of decorations, the first was directly in front of me, but it was the box of crappy decorations; sorry, but I'm not a fan of happy lavender spiders and kiddy crap; I need scary; I'd even prefer shit-your-pants frightening, but, failing that, scary will do.

Knowing that the good decorations weren't in any of the random boxes on the closet's top shelf, I eventually had the closet sufficiently turned inside out; boxes were everywhere; and both cats were taking turns circling my legs trying to trip me, and burying themselves in the nooks and crannies of the closet.

At this point, exhausted from the weight of the week, I pulled down the first box from the top shelf of the closet, just so I could say:

"Ha, Brain, I told you they weren't up there, you smug little prick!!"

...and there were our good decorations.

"You win this round, Brain.."

My brain said nothing, it just sat there, squishy and pink.

In the good box, were the decorations that my wife, Alex, and I had bought together; and the little bat bow tie that our first cat, Jasper wore last year. Also in the box were the torturous wings and antennae that we put on our dog Misty!

Misty, being tortured

We promptly applied said costumes to our pets; Misty lay down and stared at us as if she were being punished, and Jasper kicked, clawed, and bit to prevent an extra bit of accoutrement about his neck. Then we realized our problem: Our newest cat, Ame (for the verbally challenged pronounce it: Ah-May), did not have a costume. We fixed that and got her a witch's hat; which she promptly pulled off in a fit of rage.